The Unseen Lines: A Journey Through Power, Professionalism, and Personal Truth. Part 3
The Service User and Boundaries: Holding Your Ground in a World That Pushes Back
As a professional and academic, the concept of boundaries often feels clear-cut. There are codes of conduct, ethical guidelines, and established protocols. But what happens when you step into the role of a service user, bringing with you the rich, complex tapestry of lived experience? Suddenly, those clear lines can blur, vanish, or even become battlefields.
For so many of us, navigating services has meant sharing our deepest experiences over and over again, often leading to oversharing, dismissal, judgement, and an exhausting amount of emotional and educational labour. It is tiring. And sadly, we are often implicitly, or even explicitly, validated when we adopt a stoic face, complying with authorities, and doing everything asked of us. I am certainly one who has mastered this art, often receiving overt or subtle approval as I comply yet again with the next professional request. The unfortunate, often unintended, consequence? In the end, my body simply ‘said no’.
We do not condemn nature for the boundaries it holds. A tree has its edge, engaging symbiotically with its' environment but also possessing a distinct beginning and end. It takes what it needs to live, unapologetically. The moon has its defined limits, waxing and waning in its accepted cycle. Our skin is a fundamental boundary for our body, clearly delineating where we begin and end. Relationships, however, become far more fuzzy. As humans, we add our own stories, narratives, and interpretations to the information that comes in from interactions.
Consider this: when a service user needs something from a service, whether clarification, resolution, or understanding, and that service only engages when they are "happy" with the service user, it is essentially validating compliant behaviour. It teaches us that our worth is tied to how "easy" we are to manage.
But what happens when a service user tries to speak up, to say their "environment", their experience of services or engagement, is not acceptable? What if they are punished for setting a boundary, expressing their needs and asking for clarification? Even subtle communications of disapproval are communications; refusing to answer complaints or engaging with the person. This is a form of negative reinforcement. It teaches a devastating lesson: that boundaries are not acceptable, that the service user exists only for the purpose of the professional's comfort or the system's convenience. This reinforces a deeply unhealthy dynamic, actively discouraging healthy relationships and genuine partnership.
The Silent Language of Professional Power
This is where the concepts of power-over and moral distress from my previous post(s) converge. When professionals, who are theoretically trained to build supportive relationships, resort to any behaviours that promote anything less than healthy relationships and even some behaviours that promote harm, it is not just frustrating; it is a profound violation of trust. It reinforces a message that your voice does not matter, and that your experience is less valid than theirs. This isn’t just bad practice; it’s a systemic issue that impacts the very fabric of service provision and trust.
And here’s the kicker: for a disabled person, this is not just about one bad interaction. It taps into a lifetime of being told, subtly or overtly, that your needs are too much, your experience too complex, or your voice too inconvenient. It is why the sting of Local Authority A's behaviour is so much more than just a complaint; it’s a re-triggering of deeply embedded patterns of disempowerment.
Reclaiming Our Space: Practical Boundaries in an Unjust System
So, what can we do when the system pushes back against our inherent right to boundaries? It is not about fighting every battle, but about strategically reclaiming our space and energy.
- Identify Your Non-Negotiables: What are the absolute minimums you need for a service to be accessible and respectful? For me, clear methods of communication and the ability to clarify are important; this requires human interaction. BSL interpretation for emotional conversations is non-negotiable. Knowing your requirements helps you articulate your boundaries clearly.
- Communicate Assertively (and Document Everything): Even when you expect resistance, state your needs clearly and calmly. Follow up everything in writing. This creates a paper trail and reinforces your position. Remember, it's not about being aggressive, but about being firm and clear.
- Choose Your Battles Wisely: You only have so much energy. Not every slight or misstep can be challenged with the same intensity. Sometimes, disengaging from a toxic dynamic is the healthiest boundary you can set.
- Build a Support Network: Lean on friends, family, or advocacy groups who understand and validate your experiences. Their belief in you can be a powerful antidote to systemic gaslighting.
- Practice Self-Care as Resistance: As I mentioned in my last post, activities like writing, engaging with receptive organisations, or simply taking an outdoor swim are acts of self-preservation for me. They are small ways of reclaiming control and reminding myself that my wellbeing matters, regardless of external (in)validation. Consider what works for you.
- Seek External Advocacy: Sometimes, you need an ally. This could be your MP, an ombudsman, a disability advocate or a knowledgeable friend. Having someone else champion your cause can shift the power dynamic.
- Recognise and Honour Your Limits: It’s okay to step back, to say "enough." Your emotional and physical well-being is paramount. Just as a tree knows its edge, we too must honour our own.
Ultimately, setting boundaries as a service user is an act of self-respect and resistance. It’s about challenging the implicit narrative that our needs are secondary or negotiable. It’s a fight for dignity in a world that often seeks to strip it away. It’s a message to ourselves, and to the systems we interact with: 'My boundaries are not an attack; they are simply where I begin and where you end.' Professionals, too, must recognise and respect these essential boundaries, understanding that true support comes from empowering those they serve.
#contextualsafeguarding #ROTH #HOTH #engagement #stress #trauma