This isn't just a catchy phrase; it’s a profound reminder, applicable in so many areas of life: teaching, writing, and especially for professionals. We are seeing more and more professional codes of conduct, like those from the Health and Care Professions Council for Allied Health Professions, highlighting the crucial need for practitioners to be aware of their own mental wellbeing. Why? Because working from open wounds means you risk exposing raw emotions and unhealed processes, both for yourself and for those you are meant to support.

My writing, including this blog, lives in that space between healing and healed, between the wounds and the scars. I am acutely aware of this duality. It is a constant reflection: how can I ensure my words are not just an unhelpful outpouring of raw pain for you, the reader, while still acknowledging the background processes I am navigating? It is a delicate balance, but an important one for all of us who share our lived experiences.

In my last post, I talked about the sharp contrast between two local authorities, a disparity that made the unacceptable behaviour of one even harder to swallow. My mind struggled to frame such actions in any reasonable way.

I have been exploring a couple of theories to make sense of it all. The first is about circles of control and influence. When you're feeling utterly powerless against someone holding a "power-over" position, especially when those people are professionals, guided by supervisors and codes of conduct, it's natural to show resistance in all sorts of ways. When their behaviour painfully mirrors relational abuse, that resistance becomes a vital act of self-preservation. Desperately trying to prevent a re-enactment of past submissive behaviours, to stand up for my wellbeing.

But there’s only so much you can do when someone is stonewalling and unilaterally controlling the narrative. This is where self-care becomes paramount. What small bits of control and influence can I find in my life? For me, this writing is one such act. Outdoor swims, engaging with people and organisations that do listen, and other wellbeing activities all contribute. They do not completely quiet my mind, but in those moments, I can directly control and influence something, however small.

The second concept that has resonated deeply is moral distress and moral injury. These occur when acts of omission, commission, or betrayal, by yourself, others, or those in authority, go against your core moral values, principles, and beliefs. The result is a profound questioning of yourself, others, and the world around you.

As I considered this, I realised what I’m feeling is intense moral distress. Local Authority A’s behaviours are not just frustrating; they actively contradict my morals, values, and principles, and they keep escalating. They seem utterly disinterested in ethical safeguarding, in listening to the unheard, and are, frankly, actively oppressive. This is not just about a single interaction; it is against a backdrop of historic neglect and ongoing safeguarding issues.

The conflict between my moral compass and their behaviour is irreconcilable. It leaves me questioning everything: myself, the authorities, and the very fabric of society and safety. It is a deeply heavy burden, this clash of principles, and one that many of us who advocate for justice find ourselves carrying.

My solace lies in these micro-moments of power and control: the flow of words as I write, the bracing cold of a swim, the choice of my very next action. Though the larger worries relentlessly churn in my mind, for now, I can only focus on safeguarding my own wellbeing. This wait for their reply is a painful, undeniable reminder of who holds the reins of control. Yet, in this very act of enduring and reflecting, I find my own strength, and the clarity to keep advocating for a system that truly serves everyone, not just those in power. In Part 3, I'll explore how setting personal boundaries becomes a vital act of self-preservation within these systems. 

 #contextualsafeguarding #ROTH #HOTH #engagement #stress #trauma